Thursday, January 22, 2015

Husband-and-wife quarrel

He was angry with my "attitude" this morning.

What have I done?

According to my husband, I did not offer my hand helping on finding scissors, even he requested me, which made him super irritated. He even said that he always need to beg when he asked me to do.

I got shocked because it is very small stuff and no need to raise voice for this. And I simply thought he can find it since size of our house is humble enough and I place it in the same place. This was amazingly SMALL STUFF!

Husband-and-wife quarrel is very helpless and very energy consuming event.  However, we often did. The reasons of these are very small stuffs, which means nothing critical neither urgent to discuss between husband and wife in most of the time. But these small stuffs sometimes became a flame to make the bomb exploded.

Then, how I can react? 
Fight like Boxing??
Once he says something, I immediately react and attack back. Situation is like that...if he hit me a left hook in the side, I will respond with hard right hook. Ops, please do not misunderstand we do not hit and kick each others. It is just a metaphor
So, in actual quarrel, if he throws the anger, I throw him back word to give him larger impact than what I got. 

Fight like Aikido

Once he says something, I try not receiving this negative energy and shift my body to the side but I surely try to find his blind side and throw him away by word. I try to find topic associated his complain. For example, today he complained I did not respond him and did not offer a help. Then, I can say that he tend ignore my call while watching TV. If this word makes him reflect, it might be effective :D

Who starts the fight?

8 to 9 out of 10 quarrel are started by a husband. So am I very peaceful person? 
NO, it does not mean I am promoting myself as patient wife. 

But I am just more conscious of my emotional energy consumption. The reason is very simple. When I check myself, the situation I have here - adapting new cultural setting and living with different people- is already overwhelming for me.  As of now, I do not want to add anything on my shoulders. 

What is the realization?

We are different whether I am Japanese or not.. But we haven not accepted it yet. Until reaching that level, sensing these differences from our bottom of heart, this kind of fight cased by small stuff might be happening again and often. 

Are we still going to fight again?

Unfortunately and realistically, I would say, YES. But realization and mindfulness might help to minimize it. Who will guide this for us? Marriage counselor? Decision going to the counselor will cause another fight. No way..

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