Tuesday, October 27, 2015

No farewell

I still could not describe the event because he disappeared without any farewell message to us.

It was in the beginning of September. My big brother A (by the way, I call him as brother. It doesn't mean my brother in Japan. I feel he is one of my brothers/sisters in the Philippines.) sent me a text message which delivered the very shocking news.

Another "brother O" whom I has been working with has passed away. I do not like to use the word but it is general term to explain for the "event".

It took me some time to understand and believe the message, even though it had clearly stated there.

Later in the same week, comments and messages on his Facebook account was full of appriciations, which made me believe and accept that we won't be able to find him in the Earth any more.

Shortly after the news,  I got dengue.

There was no connection between dengue and the news. It was also the time I accepted that my husband was going abroad for at least a year.

While I was suffering from Dengue, the message was turning around inside me. First I imagined, how was his last day...were there his family and close friends around? Did he experience pain? But these imaginations was quickly away from me.

I assumed that I will work with him for peace until both of us get old and experience difficult to walk or hear. I may see him in the any gathering for peace, or conference...organize the workshop together..since I arrived here in the Philippines, 2006.

I started to recall his memories, how he lived.

He shared something very Spiritual. But these spirituality is not dogmatic. It was something easy to accept and make me feel that it is part of me. I was away from these Spiritual or Faith related stuff, but he taught indirect way importance of this.

He was also forced to be the listener of my stories and concerns. I still remembered his face which was somehow not knowing how to react.

What I admired about him was his calmness and inner peace. It seems air around him was soft.

I imagine he is at peace. But I cannot imagine he is looking down from the heaven or somewhere higher. Once I see the mountain, I can see him there and he is meditating there.

That is very strange feeling. It might be my desire that he won't be far away from us. But it is also very Brother O.

No farewell, that's just like him.
And I could hear "relax, it would be ok"

Sunday, October 25, 2015

Distant relationship again

I have a question to person who has someone or married.

What if your loved one is away from you, how do you feel?




My husband decided to leave Philippines for at least a year.  So I was left behind.

Several colleagues leaned about it and showed sympathy. I am very thankful there are someone care about it.

But whether I am sad or not is different story?

Then, I ask myself...Am I sad? Did I feel lonely? Hummm, there are no persons who are ok that loved one will be away. But I am half happy about his departure.

Happy? WHY?

He will be free from something occupied him. I cannot specify these things occupied him. Once I wanted to spend some time with him, he was already fully frustrated because of given situation or problems around him. These ate his energy and time too much. Then, we ended up arguing each others even thought there was nothing serious going on between us. That is really sad.

That is why if he stays here (with problems) , it will affect our relationships.

I am wondering why people tend to share something miserable or bad. On the one hand, people do not share about their happiness to others.

Anyway, another reason why I am ok about his departure is that it is already part of our life. Ever since our relationship had started several years ago, we experience distant relationship. Often we experienced that one is in one side of the Earth, another is in another side of the Earth.

For example, while we were still boy friend and girl friend, he was in the Netherlands, I was in Singapore, and Philippines..when we got married, both of us were in the Philippines. But he left soon after the wedding and so on...Our newly wedding day was not exist.

Our romance is beyond the boarder.

It is sounds romantic.

But reality is not so. Simply, we are so busy to do own our staffs and tried to fit our marriage life in between of these.

Now, finally I can describe this event.
It is like he is living in the parallel world. Only the time, we both need each others, we contact via special gadget. What we need is simply (psychological/emotional) connection. (I do not deny physical togetherness but in our case, no choice.)

But strange things in my part, I am staying his country. My presence here in the Philippines, is somehow assured by him. Hummm it is not precisely stating my situation but I had a choice to live another place if my husband is not Filipino.

Once he left, I am like floating air space. My feeling is something very real but something not.

I am like an astronaut who is thrown away from the space ship..I have to busy swim in the space to reach my destination. Also it seems I have to reach the place while I still have enough air to breath. I swim but where can be my destination remains unknown.

When I encountered something strange or weird, I tried to share to my Ninans (God mother(s)).

Advice from my Ninans for this case was I have to take care of myself more than usual. Yes, I will do until I find own my planet or space ship.

Friday, October 23, 2015

Incident - again?

I am good at finding something wrong.

I have just come back from the conference which held in the province. It was marvelous experience for me. Good parts of it were meeting prominent scholars and got feedback to my presentation. Aside from that, I love travel. It was far to reach the venue from my province. It took about 1 day by traveling, land and air. But it was surely worth it.

However, later on, I encountered something very odd case. 

The last night of the conference was a party. The host even took care of entertainment part. All participants enjoyed eating, drinking and dancing. Surely I was the one of these who enjoyed the occasion. 

The party was almost toward the end. It had happened to me.

I went to the rest room which was only one in the party venue. The rest room has three cubicles with about 1.6 meter tall wall. I used in the middle in the three. Very beginning, I did not sense someone in the rest room. But after I used it, I could sense there must be someone. 

Actually there were no sound aside from flashing sound. But I sensed something strange going on. Then, in a very short moment, my eyes caught someone inside the cubicle. That someone had haven hair.

Hummmmmm... It was male.


I think person tries to make sense once s/he encounters something not usual..then, I did. I tried to make sense of seeing male look person inside cubicle inside female bathroom.
I thought it was a cleaning staff who cleaned female rest room.

Wait, but I could not deny something wrong was going on. Eventually, I closed main entrance and waited outside for while. If that person was simply cleaning staff, he may go out soon..

By the way, I was very careful of handle this case because it could lead dishonor if that person simply did his work (even though it was not sensitive enough that male was cleaning female rest room) That was why I really needed to make sure whether that person is assigned cleaning staff or not.

5 mins had passed, no one came out from the rest room. I decided to encounter by knocking the door of the cubicle. When I entered the rest room, he moved the last cubicle. I knocked the door. No answer made me irritate. I wanted to say that I saw you.
Once I started to open it by force, he finally answered something. I could not hear what he said.

It was good timing. My friend joined me. Both of us tried hard to find that guy. At that time, we confirmed there was the guy inside. It seemed that he gave up. The guy finally came out from the cubicle. 

He was taller than I am and his eyes were strong. He was keeping on responding our accusation. We accused him he should not be inside female rest room. He said he had stomachache. It was not believable with some reasons. While talking to him, I smelled alcohol from him.

Question here was WHAT WAS HE DOING?

One of strong reasons why his excuse was not believable was he was not making any sound. Another reason was he transferred cubicle once I closed the main door..I could see he was afraid of being found by me or someone.

Meaningless exchange was going on. My friend decided to ask someone's help. The guy and I was left behind.
 Then, he pushed me hard and run away. By the way, I was blocking his way. Unless he pushed me hard, he could not escape from that situation. He did it. I could grab his staff but it was not successful that I totally catch him.

I was really angry and immediately started to chase him. While chasing him, I saw a security guard ahead of me. I shouted to him CATCH THE GUY!! HE IS A PERVERT!! 

I was busy shouting and running after him...but I successfully caught the guard's attention.
I was sure the guard did not hear what I said but the guard saw I was chasing that strange guy 
with angry face. The guard joined the chase. Eventually the guy was caught.

He was moved to main gate of the venue and exposed by many people who passed the gate. I was asked to confirm whether the guy was the same guy whom I encountered.

I said YES, HE WAS THE PERSON I ENCOUNTERED INSIDE THE REST ROOM. He was still excusing himself by saying he had just stomachache. I said if you had severe stomachache you could not run...He started to say he has wife and children. SO WHAT?

I hope that guy understood the gravity what he did. I am not sure how long he stayed inside the rest room. If longer he stayed there, there were higher possibilities to peep many female while they were using the rest room.There was no CCTV inside that was why no actual evidence. But he physically hurt me by pushing. 

It was not rape or other serious sexual assault or harassment. However, if he imagine if his wife or daughter was the one who encountered the guy inside small rest room. Does he feel easy? Then, if they were peeped by that stranger, is he happy?

I imagine what will happen to him after that. He will surely loose his job and have hard time. But something wrong doing will be under the sun soon even thought I did not find him on that night.
 It was consequence of his action. I stopped to think of his life.

The conference became very memorable in the sense.

Some of the host was very sympathy that I became a victim of the incident. But as I mentioned, it was not first time to encounter this kind of odd situation, therefore no fear was caused by that event. Simply, if he did really commit (I mean peeping several female) I am very angry about that act. And he should have JUST judgement (it should not be too less neither too much.)

Other experiences...I became a witness of assault case in Japan. . I encountered stranger who trespassed the dormitory in Netherlands..and so on...

Because of these, OMG, again? first thing came to my mind on that night.