How can I react people's unpleasant acts? - experiencing discriminatory acts of people

HEY CHINESE!! 

At a crossing, in the Hague, I was shocked by this loud voice from the behind. I remained seated on my bicycle saddle and twisted my body to search the speaker because I noticed I was the only one who looked like Chinese (east Asian).

There were three boys, two rode in tandem looked at me. They continued throwing something very impolite abusive language toward me.
I looked straight these boys and denied I am not a Chinese. And I told them it is totally impolite to approach someone like this. I added if they did such act based on race, it can possibly be called discrimination. Two boys became silence and one was still saying something in Dutch and throw the last word - Xss whXle (in English) - toward me. Am I aXs whoXe?

It happened just within minutes while waiting for a traffic sign. There were many other adults around me and observed our exchanges.

The advice of my husband is usually, just ignore them. Yes, I can agree with this certain conditions. When the person is totally drunk or having a knife or something.

In some other sunny weekend, my husband and I were in the park enjoying sunlight and nature. One guy blocked our way and mocked us.
One fact annoyed me the most was he did not act like this to others who looked Dutch or bigger than him. He was drunk but obviously, he picked us, "small Asian" to mock. So, it would be nice to ignore even though I opt to respond these people who are so unreasonable.

DO NOT BE SILENT! 
However, I, in general, disagree with ignoring these people. Why?

First of all, it is very important to let them know we are not so comfortable with what these people acted or done. They should know they do not have any right to ruin our day with unpleasant acts or comments.

Second, unpleasant acts against certain race is a form of discrimination. If a certain act is categorized as discrimination, the person possibly violates the Dutch constitution. In the Dutch constitution article 1, "All persons in the Netherlands shall be treated equally in equal circumstances. Discrimination on the grounds of religion, belief, political opinion, race, or sex or on any other grounds whatsoever shall not be permitted."

Lastly, I would like to say all elements made us who we are may not be our choice, especially race and nationality. We did not choose our parents and we could not ask them where they lived. Once we were born, we already belonged to a certain racial group. So, these were not controllable.

I encountered often people made fun of East Asian's smaller eyes. People pulled their eyes horizontally and said that is Japanese, Korean or Chinese. It is not nice to see because my appearance is not my choice. Do I need to have plastic surgery to make my eyes bigger?

Even we received more abusive words from these people as the result of reacting them, we should not stop saying that what they are doing is not right. If our argument defends our position well, what they said is just a senseless noise.

There is no perfect solution. 

There is no perfect solution to this issue. Especially if we travel a lot or live outside of our countries, this kind of experiences is not avoidable. More we encounter different culture and people, more we may have possibilities to experience these.

Lastly, going back to the story above, I was, to be honest, not so angry at these children because the gravity they have done is not serious than an adult who is supposed to know the idea of discrimination does.

I thought that these kids found cool to mock adults by using slang (in Dutch and English) and approaching an adult unpleasant manner. And the especially one child may want to show he was not afraid of the adult? Or simply they did not know how acknowledge our obvious physical difference? It was too short to ask them why they were doing such things. It is important to know reasons and how they feel when they do that.

No solutions, then we have to live with the reality. But at least, we can clarify whether actions taken by these with the intention or not? What is the basis of these actions? If we find the certain grounds that we can say a person discriminate us, then we resist them by saying NO to these actions.

I am sure that I will experience this kind of unpleasant situations as long as I live outside of my country. In fact, I did have these here in the Hague in just three months time. But the incident won't let my spirit down and never discourage to explore other cultures and to understand people.

** I did not mention the detail of these people in the sentence in order to avoid to cause any conflicts.

DOOR, really DOOR

Few days ago, a door was delivered. I was happy about that because my husband and I lived a month without door. Ops, I have to say correctly, it is a door for our modest room not a front door.

My husband invested to improve in law's house last year. We lived in the another place but with several consideration, we decided to live with in law and extended family. It has happened about a month ago.

Renovation project on the in law's house took time and made him spend sort of considerable  amount. However, he did not complete "the house project" yet in some ways such as all doors of rooms in the second floor including toilet. Anyway, it is normal here that people build or renovate the house little by little.

No door is obviously no privacy, then he ordered at least one door for our room.Two to three weeks ago, he visited a house of door maker in the community.

By the way, in "rural setting", ready-made stuffs seem not fitting in the place. So if we need furniture, we approach carpenter. If we need to pain the house, we request a painter. It is how local community works.

As I mentioned above, door was finally made and delivered to our house. Two men brought it because it is quite heavy to carry.

I was excited that door is finally going to be installed. However, door makers simply left his finished work. alone. And they did not come back.

WHY???

Door looks like chocolate bar was left alone. Even it has no doorknob.

What should I do with this heavy wooden door?

I reported this to my husband. His reaction was totally different from mine. He said they are just door makers.

Door-maker made a door. They literally made only DOOR...

I see...

Now I know what I should do. Eventually I went to a hardware shop in downtown and bought a doorknob and hinges. It was my first time to pick doorknob. seriously. After all, my husband request a carpenter to install it.

I am really looking forward to seeing our door will be door I am familiar with.

Why I do care SMALL STUFFS so much- why you put shoes on inside house! -

I care very much of small stuff in daily life, which sometime make me wonder, stress and laugh. At the end, these might leads new learning. One of things is about feet.

I am not talking about its smell or shape. I care manner related to feet.

Should I remove it or not? that is the problem

Philippines is part of Asia. So once people enter the house, they remove shoes. However, every time, I see someone wears shoes at the same time some people do not. These shoes or slipper are not for inside room, these are obviously for outside. In fact, I saw these people just came inside the house with shoes. Then, they do not remove after all.

For some reasons, I could not find it is nice. First, it is not hygienic. Shoes surely bring darts from outside. One does not wear got these darts. Besides, if there is a baby in the house, surely baby is crawl on his or her hands and knees, eventually baby got darts too.

Second, it is for me not so respectful. This second reason come from my cultural background. If you get enter the house with shoes on in my cultural context, it is also sign of insult. In movies, Yakuza enters someone's house with their shoes on. 

What is wrong with shoes? Person with shoes often seen after funeral. Casket is carried by several people, at the time people cannot afford time to put in and out their shoes. So, people associated to this, then people think it is bad luck.  

I do not judge these who wear shoes inside house. But I was so disturbed sometimes.

Steps of your feet

I care person steps over others' body. Especially person steps over higher than butt of elders. This action was strictly prohibited among family members. It is related to superstition.

So when I saw this often here, I felt uncomfortable then I almost stop them doing so but I tried not.

And I care person place his or her feet (especially with shoes) to something holy or important such as family member's pictures and so on. When I was child, I was not allowed to put my feet to the family alter even the alter was elevated and my feet did not reach at all.

Are these too much? 

Not at all for me because I grew up with unwritten rule, these are part of my life.

Concept of in and out

Associated to mentioned above, I think one of significance of Japanese house structure is having a space attached to front door, which is called Genkan(玄関),the place to remove shoes  receive guests and clear the boundary in and outside our house. 

Some says we usually do not show feet especially sole because it is possibly dirty. But removing shoes is a sign of openness and acceptance too. Anyway, in Japan all visitors are not accommodated in the room. Hosts sometimes receive a guest in genkan. 

There are several reasons of explain why we need to remove our shoes but it may also come from simply practicality because shoes damage floor and tatami floor.  

Whatever the reasons, I do not still get used to house not having clear boundary with shoes and without :D I may get used to it or when I have own place, I will create a genkan space! 

Why I care this small thing? because how I grew up.  

I know who are Finoy among them? - Identifiable reasons -

My first foreign countries, I stayed longer than 6 months is the Philippines. I stayed here half of my period of graduate study, eventually I had a Filipino husband and I am staying here in the Philippines.

It was not planed (maybe God planed so) but it happen. As a consequence of this, I am opt to find, discover, distinguish Filipino when I am out of the Philippines. I found myself feel at home once I see them. And of course, I approach them once they were confirmed as Filipino.

Why I am so sure s/he is Filipino? It is almost same technique I apply to distinguish Japanese among group of people from different countries. Technique is not perfect word. It can be said certain sense. 

Aside from the sense, I also find certain significant points make me bit easy to find them in the crowd.  Here are the things...for Filipino friends, please just laugh and forgive me. 

Point direction with lips

This is very significant body language. My husband does that when he want to point direction little bit far from him. How? He simply pouts. If I ask where is toilet, he points the direction with his lips and says "there" at the same time.  

At the beginning, I thought they wanted to inform me I had something in my face especially around mouth. It was not! Later, I learned this gesture is pointing the direction.  

But why people do that? One of explanations is that there are spirits everywhere around us. We should not point them out by finger. We do not point the spirit but who know?

Other explanations? I do not buy such as show-off kissable lips. That one must be joke.

Stay close

In Singapore LRT, I found two ladies tried to sit in a seat for one together. But people around them were sort of surprised at what they were tiring to do. This is often seen inside Jeepney, MRT and LRT in the Philippines. 

I was offered a seat by Filipino. It was simply kindness so I was very thankful but I was surprised of the size of offered space, which cannot accommodate my butt for sure. Then, I smiled back a person by showing my appreciation. But I did not sit there. Then again, the person sent a signal I must take this seat. Finally I tried it. I could amazingly place myself in the small space. Is space just a notion?

I experienced this many time, which made me believe people try to sit in the limited space must be Filipino. 

Greet with your eyebrows 

When my Filipino husband see his friend on the street, in stead of saying hello, he moved his eyebrows up and down. His friend responded too in the same way. 

I experienced this too. When I took some pictures of celebrity, I thanked her allowing me to take some photo of her. Then, she moved her eyebrows up and down since she is bit far to respond my gratitude. 

In addition, my husband also greet with his chin. How? It is sort of reverse version of nodding. This greeting is seen only among friends or person who are younger than him. 

In Japan, this can be a gesture of provoking. I saw "bad" boy and girl cocked and threat other by looking down in this way.  Are Filipino men provoking other men on the street? NO, they are just greeting their friends.

English

Filipino English is not so much known as Singlish or Indian English. But once I familiarize the sound, I easily recognize them in international occasions such as meeting and conferences. They speak very clear which must be influenced by Tagalog (and other mother tongue accent too). I must say they are really good communicator.

My English sounds like Filipino English. When I had a job interview, half Singaporean half Japanese boss pointed this. Hummmm...Once person speaks with emotion, last word is significantly strong pronounced. And some says "Me also" instead of "me too". I assume this comes from "ako din"(me too).

Additionally, people here often use abbreviation and  acronym. GMA: (former president) Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, DepEd: Department of Education, SAF: Special Action Force.  Yes, I think it is very useful but there are many of these...

These are what I observed often in and out of countries.

I live here and expose myself then for several years. At the end, I actually do all of these except greet with my chin. OMG, It is for me sort of shocking. I did these even I am in Japan.

Now I really learned repetition forms a person. And with respect, my integration process is going well :)

It is big deal for Filipino men! - circumcision -

Son: Mama, I do not want to do THAT!

Mother: Your brother already did THAT! Now it is your turn. 

Son: No! I DO NOT!

Mother: You won't be able to get married with someone in the future.

Son: It is fine! I will marry with Japanese girl.

We, Japanese do not have this.

That is a conversation between Japanese mother who married with Filipino and son, half Filipino and half Japanese over the circumcision. 

I laughed when Japanese mother told me this story because a boy knew Japanese in general not practicing it and he used this fact to escape from pain. That is clever. 

This boy is a second son. When he saw his elder brother had circumcision, he felt how painful it was. Then, now when his turn came, he refused to have it. 

I often hear the word, circumcision because some of my nephews are reaching that age which encouraged us to talk this topics in our conversation. 

I also understood it is a passage being an adult and I found it includes certain aspect of ritual. 

Processes

Group of boys go to the stream or riverside with adult. Boys also need witness for their ritual. That is the reason they go with group.  

Adults cut skin of boys private part with a small knife and place skin certain way. When boys have "operation", they do not use anesthesia. They just chew kind of grass. It is surely painful but to bear with this pain is a sign of being a part of adulthood.

After the operation, pain will remain for a month, which made them difficult to walk normally for while. But they need to walk around neighborhood by wearing their mother's skirt or piece of clothe to show they went though the ritual. Here again, it is important people around you know you have done it. 

By the way, this is rural setting. Besides nowadays, people have done this in the hospital with anesthesia. It means ritualistic part of this is slowly diminishing. Even though people still understand this as passage to be adult, they tend to mention more hygiene purpose.  They said circumcision keeps their private part clean. I actually have no way to check this but this reason I often heard. 

They usually have this during summer holiday (around March to May) when they reach 5th or 6th grade of elementary. This part is still the same until now. 

And it is still big deal even generations go on. Seeing these ritualistic process and pain, it is a matter of man's dignity. In fact, boys tease fellows if they haven't done it yet by saying " pisot ka". It is great offence, according to my husband.

Well, it is man's talk.

But girls here is also involved by saying they do not want to have guy uncircumcised. 

As mentioned before, Japan does not practice this. For us, it is totally new idea.

At very beginning of my stay here, I did not know what it is in English. Then I checked dictionary.

Differentiation

In Bicol languages, I learned that there are words of guy's private part, before and after the circumcision. " pisot ka"  the word -pisot- describes children's one before the circumcision and also this also associated to its size. Adult but without circumcision is called supot. If boy has done circumcision, it becomes boto.

Language certainly explains how important it is. 

By the way, I also heard girl's version but it is not associated this kind of ritual. It is just simply differentiation and another story.